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Balance your future

Thoughts and reflections from my experience and from relevant literature. I hope you find it useful.

When can my need for good results turn into annoying perfectionism?

Isn't it logical that I would like to do everything accurately and deliver perfect results?

To some extent, this striving is helpful, gets you ahead, and can also give you energy when you get something done well. Striving for perfectionism and a good result gives us also energy, joy and satisfaction. However, if there are times when you make mistakes, and then you feel really bad, fall into the shame loop and are too hard on yourself, it can be destructive perfectionism. Destructive perfectionism will keep you from starting a project in the first place. Then there is the fear of failing, or not being good enough, that blocks you and keeps you from getting into action. However, we are all human and we all make mistakes. And mistakes can help us learn and grow for the future. Destructive perfectionism, however, keeps us from learning from mistakes because it takes away our own tolerance for mistakes, catapulting us into the spiral of shame.

How can I learn to achieve a healthy perfectionism?

A very important step is to allow your own tolerance for mistakes. If you manage to make peace with your own mistakes, you can also become more tolerant towards yourself and thus also with your fellow human beings. Most of the time it is a fear, fear of not being accepted, not being good enough or even loved when we make mistakes. This fear blocks us and leads to destructive perfectionism. In therapy you can learn to deal with this fear differently and overcome it. Fear is an emotion that very often blocks us and prevents us from doing great things.

Where does this strong urge towards perfectionism come from?

You may have picked it up from your parents. Or if you have had experience with achievements leading to special recognition. Or also by negative experience, as for example bulling. Here then the assumption developed, if I am perfect, make everything perfect, then there is no more reason to be attacked.