Thoughts and reflections from my experience and from relevant literature. I hope you find it useful.
“Scientists decoded the myth of love.” (Sue Johnson) – That sounds great, doesn't it?
There has been done a lot of research on love in adulthood over the last 30 years. Sue Johnson is the one who is heavily quoted on this field. Love is very much about bonding and closeness with our partner. Which means, that having an emotional responsiveness exchange about our needs with our partner is an important factor when talking about love. An example for that is, that you can feel save enough to go to your partner and ask for emotional support.
This holds true especially in today’s society, where all this flexibility in the world makes our original social support system become very small. We do not have a big family or a whole village as a social support system anymore. However we, as human beings, are wired to live together. Feeling securely connected with our partner leads to a loving relationship, as more and more research shows. When we can be sure about love, in our close relationship, we feel secure enough to go out and face the world.
Equally important is to keep in mind, that emotional isolation might be as dangerous as smoking or alcohol abuse. It might lead to depression and emotional isolation can lead more easily to a stroke or a hard attack. Many people put a lot of effort in healthy living, sport and meditation, but there is still little knowledge about how we can be close to the individuals who are important to us. The good thing is, that we can learn how to connect, communicate better and how to do this in a more effective way. Close connections lead to love and secure love leads to a better sex live as well.
However it can feel a little difficult and scary. In couples therapy people learn how to address each other with their needs in a more open and valuable way. This draws their partner in instead of pushing them away.